I love doing music! I consider it a passion. I have turned to it ever since I was young and singing my heart out in some show tune while walking down the alley behind my home (much to the neighbors' amusement) to calm my spirit and restore me to hope. I have studied violin, tinker at piano and guitar and, now, take voice lessons and sing in two choirs. It is practicing and doing music that is getting me through this time of waiting for gainful employment.
I used to use music when I worked as a music therapist as a tool for reaching therapeutic goals with clients. This was not so rewarding as you might think. I was doing music at an elemental level and yearning for something more sublime. Now I like the way music is in my life because through it I experience community, beauty, release of emotions and God.
We all need passions and to pursue passions in order to add value to our lives. And when we are without "gainful employment" that added value becomes even more meaningful and important. I might even say "essential". Is there something that has clung to you for most of your life? Is there some activity that engages you so that you lose track of time and are transported to a different space? Perhaps this is your passion. Do you recognize it for it's life-renewing potential? Are you honoring your passion and allowing it to feed your spirit? I hope your passion finds you and won't let you go.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
anxiety and lilies
In the past I have read and offered to others for meditation the last nine chapters of the gospel of Matthew as salve for the anxious spirit. I read it now and linger on the images of the birds of the air being fed and the lilies of the field being clothed without toiling. This part of the biblical passage communitcates that toil does not bring food or clothing; God does. It's this part of the passage that always takes me back to my teen years and the movie Lilies of the Field with Sidney Poitier. It was one of my favorite movies.
In the movie Poitier plays a drifter handyman who stops in a small town in the Arizona desert to get a drink of water from some poor German nuns. The Mother Superior talks him into staying to fix their roof and then to built their chapel--all without any money. What touched me in my youth and still moves me today is the relationships that develop between Homer Smith [Poitier] and the nuns, and between Homer and the Mexicans who help him make bricks for the chapel. All of these characters in the story represent groups who have at one time or another been marginalized in our society. And yet in these relationships they found the "food" and "clothing" and dignity that nourished life.
If I get anxious over anything today as I look for employment it is that there will be nothing life-nourishing again. It takes looking out my window several times a day searching for messages that can help quell my anxiety. Today I see squirrels of different colors--brown, black, grey. I think just maybe there is a need in the workplace for uniqueness and that maybe there can be a fit for each of us--a fit that gives us dignity in our work.
I've been reading about brain research and also a book by Edwin Friedman called A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. There is agreement in all of this reading that anxiety is a function of the amygdala, also called the "reptilian" brain, that is the brain form that was developed early on in evolution and is still part of the human brain today. Now humans have developed other parts of the brain which can function to control the automatic anxious reactions of the amygdala and we often do control our actions by engaging our reasoning brain. In this "age of the quick fix" I can get anxious while waiting for that right fit position [or any position?] to come along. When it feels like all the power is in the potential employers' hands that can intensify the anxiety. So I work at reminding myself of my uniqueness and gifts and the values I can add to any institution that is forturnate enough to hire me. And it is work! The good thing is that I have windows where I can watch squirrels in the winter, lilies in the summer and birds all year round. I take in the goodness of nature and it is salve for my soul. How do you deal with the anxieties of un/underemployment? What helps you find dignity in this experience?
next blog: passions....
In the movie Poitier plays a drifter handyman who stops in a small town in the Arizona desert to get a drink of water from some poor German nuns. The Mother Superior talks him into staying to fix their roof and then to built their chapel--all without any money. What touched me in my youth and still moves me today is the relationships that develop between Homer Smith [Poitier] and the nuns, and between Homer and the Mexicans who help him make bricks for the chapel. All of these characters in the story represent groups who have at one time or another been marginalized in our society. And yet in these relationships they found the "food" and "clothing" and dignity that nourished life.
If I get anxious over anything today as I look for employment it is that there will be nothing life-nourishing again. It takes looking out my window several times a day searching for messages that can help quell my anxiety. Today I see squirrels of different colors--brown, black, grey. I think just maybe there is a need in the workplace for uniqueness and that maybe there can be a fit for each of us--a fit that gives us dignity in our work.
I've been reading about brain research and also a book by Edwin Friedman called A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. There is agreement in all of this reading that anxiety is a function of the amygdala, also called the "reptilian" brain, that is the brain form that was developed early on in evolution and is still part of the human brain today. Now humans have developed other parts of the brain which can function to control the automatic anxious reactions of the amygdala and we often do control our actions by engaging our reasoning brain. In this "age of the quick fix" I can get anxious while waiting for that right fit position [or any position?] to come along. When it feels like all the power is in the potential employers' hands that can intensify the anxiety. So I work at reminding myself of my uniqueness and gifts and the values I can add to any institution that is forturnate enough to hire me. And it is work! The good thing is that I have windows where I can watch squirrels in the winter, lilies in the summer and birds all year round. I take in the goodness of nature and it is salve for my soul. How do you deal with the anxieties of un/underemployment? What helps you find dignity in this experience?
next blog: passions....
Friday, February 19, 2010
creating community
Unemployment wears on the spirit. Underemployment wears on the spirit. So I am attmepting to employ myself in creating a community among un/underemployed kindred spirits because my spirit needs companionship to navigate these troubled waters. I believe there maybe others who could use the spiritual support of community too.
It's a curious undertaking to create community through blogging though because all of the physical reactions--nodding heads, raised eyebrows, bored looks, smiles, etc. are missing from the blog community :o. It's thought and emotion that comes through in a blog. I have seen people say things in email communication that they would never say to someone's face. I suspect the same is true with blogging. Still this is the new employment of our day.
Employers use the internet and online applications to field a pool of applicants for open positions. Every time I fill out such an application on the web I feel like I am throwing my resume down a black hole. Some HR departments show a little sensitivity when they send a reply indicating that they have received my application and it often includes the warning not to respond to "this email" because no one is on the other end. Yes, successful job hunting like creating true community requires some face time : ( and that is at a premium these days. I think the trick is to cherish the face time we do have with family and friends. To make time with this community--family and friends--a deeper more spiritually nourishing experience.
How does this happen, this spiritually nourishing time with family and friends? One way it happens for me is to remember as many of the things about each relationship for which I am grateful. A spiritual director of mine once told me that "the path to joy is gratitude". I find that when I think of attributes of my husband, children and friends "thanks" whispers in my heart and I become hungry for more reasons to be grateful. And now I am happily employed, at least for a while, in piling up gratitudes and my spirit takes flight for a time. Not a bad day's work.
Next blog: dealing with anxiety...
It's a curious undertaking to create community through blogging though because all of the physical reactions--nodding heads, raised eyebrows, bored looks, smiles, etc. are missing from the blog community :o. It's thought and emotion that comes through in a blog. I have seen people say things in email communication that they would never say to someone's face. I suspect the same is true with blogging. Still this is the new employment of our day.
Employers use the internet and online applications to field a pool of applicants for open positions. Every time I fill out such an application on the web I feel like I am throwing my resume down a black hole. Some HR departments show a little sensitivity when they send a reply indicating that they have received my application and it often includes the warning not to respond to "this email" because no one is on the other end. Yes, successful job hunting like creating true community requires some face time : ( and that is at a premium these days. I think the trick is to cherish the face time we do have with family and friends. To make time with this community--family and friends--a deeper more spiritually nourishing experience.
How does this happen, this spiritually nourishing time with family and friends? One way it happens for me is to remember as many of the things about each relationship for which I am grateful. A spiritual director of mine once told me that "the path to joy is gratitude". I find that when I think of attributes of my husband, children and friends "thanks" whispers in my heart and I become hungry for more reasons to be grateful. And now I am happily employed, at least for a while, in piling up gratitudes and my spirit takes flight for a time. Not a bad day's work.
Next blog: dealing with anxiety...
Thursday, February 18, 2010
idle hands
As a child I remember hearing sayings like, "Idle hands are the devil's play things" and "Many hands make light work." The implied message was that if my hands weren't gainfully employed I was wasting time and headed down an irredeemable path to destruction. So I've always worked hard against my natural inclination toward quiet and meditative endeavors to stay busy. After many years as a local parish minister I began working hard to convince others that quiet prayer and meditation were indeed part of my work as a parish pastor. Now that I am underemployed working about 4 days a month as a hospital chaplain I fight to keep anxiety from creeping into my quiet "unemployed" time. I knit and type to keep my hands busy.
Being underemployed my work has become finding employment which requires much more extroversion of me. It is tiring and tears at my spirit because it requires something that is not natural for me. Yet I keep working at it so I can work at my passions--spiritual companionship and music. Those sayings I heard as a child did not suggest that work could or should be enjoyable. There was no inclusion of passions as foundation for work. How many of those sayings and attitudes about work that we learned as we grew up are hindering how we feel about ourselves as we experience un/underemployment?
Being underemployed my work has become finding employment which requires much more extroversion of me. It is tiring and tears at my spirit because it requires something that is not natural for me. Yet I keep working at it so I can work at my passions--spiritual companionship and music. Those sayings I heard as a child did not suggest that work could or should be enjoyable. There was no inclusion of passions as foundation for work. How many of those sayings and attitudes about work that we learned as we grew up are hindering how we feel about ourselves as we experience un/underemployment?
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